Why Can't People be Happy for Me? (go back »)

Lately, I haven't been a good friend to my best. I guess it also has to do with having a new boyfriend too. I haven't been a good daughter or sister either...and it's isn't because of the new boyfriend.

Ever since my huge break-up with my ex (aka Joseph "the asswipe" B.) I hear the pitty, the "he's such a jerk" line, and oh wait...my FAVORITE..."I told you so!" I really hate the fuckin' "I told you so" phrase!

It's not an excuse, but I guess it explain's my "absense." When I got my new phone, I had stupid ass glitches that needed to be fixed. I don't know how I did it, but for some reason...I had the wrong number stored on my phone as my contact to my best girl. Well, after trying to contact her under the stupid number...and get no response or a hang-up, I thought..."Goash, she must be really pissed that I haven't checked in with her." (mind you, this is after 2 weeks of not calling her...just a friendly text here and there)

So I myspace her asking if she was upset with me...or changed her number without me knowing. So she gets back to me with the right number...and for some damn reason...I have the last digit in her number wrong. ( I was like off by one)

She also sent a second message, but this time...saying that my absence was dude to a new boyfriend..and that I only talk to her when I'm stressin, and then not talk to her anymore.

It gave me the impression that she's not happy for me at all. I can't talk to her because right now...I'm just trying to ge over my situation at home and with myself. During these desperate measures, I'll call her. But since she feels that way about me, I don't want to call her. I want to call her only in times when I am happy. That way, I won't feel guilty as a friend for calling her ONLY when times are bad. But I'll call her when times are good. Make sense?

I've just been escaping lately. From the disappointment at home to the disappointment that my friend feels for me. I just hate that people are just disappointed in me. Especially when my last relationship, all the asswipe would do is feel disappointed in me. It never ends!

Maybe sometimes, I just want to hear the "I'm proud of you," phrase for awhile. 'Cause it looks like my new life or happiness has been recognized at all. I am being selfish and a bad friend/daughter/sister, for wanting to hear something else besides the ordinary.

I love my friend and family very much, it's just this time...I don't want to be reminded of the mistakes I've made. They all make me feel like I can't think on my own. Which is how the asswipe definitely made me feel. And I know at times, when I try to make my own decisions, the end result usually never comes to my benefit.

I just want to find out for myself. Can't I try to at least grow up without being dependant on someone's suggestion but my own? I don't want to weep and cry for someone's help anymore. I'm tried of it. I just want to try to mature and make decisions for myself the way I see fit. And when I make mistakes, I don't want any lecture of a "I told you so!"

I'm so happy, I'm afraid to hear the worst from my friend. I don't want to hear a, "you don't need that Lib." or a "Lib, you're doing it again, you'll see." I feel like I'm a fricken child. Maybe I am...

I just want my family to welcome me with no judgement and just be happy. Just be happy that I'm opening a new chapter in my life and I'm moving forward. Stop making me feel like I'm worst than what i really am.